The Drunken Toad Universe

An Unexpected Encounter

I would like to tell you about an unusual event that happened to me during deep meditation about a year ago. While performing a flight (a mental one, of course) over the Himalayan mountains, I noticed, in one of the remote valleys, the entrance to a cave revealed by the melting of a local glacier. The cave itself was completely filled with ice, so entering or even flying into it was impossible. Nevertheless, I managed to catch a faint mental signal coming from some being slumbering deep inside and established a spiritual connection with it.

The creature introduced itself as Amum Ye and was, in its own words, a “thinking cryo-sinanthrope,” who had remained in a state of suspended animation in that cave for more than seven hundred thousand years. Despite his venerable age, Mr. Ye was perfectly aware of the twists and turns of modern life, maintaining a telepathic link with major information networks, including the Internet. His biological Wi-Fi, however, was weak, and his ability to transmit thoughts to others extremely limited. Therefore, Mr. Ye was truly delighted by our encounter, and we quickly struck up a conversation.

As a person seeking spiritual growth, I naturally asked Mr. Ye what he believed to be the essence and meaning of our existence. His answer was quite clear and, at the same time, rather unusual. According to him, this entire world — including us, humans, and its most distant corners — is nothing but the dream of a Drunken Toad dozing on a moss-covered boulder. Mr. Ye conveyed a message for the outer world, which I would call The Manifesto of the Drunken Toad. Its text follows below.

Such a view of the universe raised many questions in me, the first of which was: “Could this whole story about the Toad be merely a variation of the ancient legend about the world’s illusory nature and the primordial void?” Mr. Ye kindly provided a comprehensive answer to this and all subsequent questions. After recording them, I found myself holding something akin to The Catechism of the Drunken Toad, which I also share below for your consideration.

Enjoy your reading.

Sincerely,
Alexander Daretsky

P.S. Thus began my correspondence with Amum Ye — a being asleep in the depths of ice, yet awake within the streams of consciousness.

The Manifesto of the Drunken Toad

Rejoice, noble traveler!

For your long and arduous path has brought you to truth, and you have learned that this world — the entire universe to its most distant edges — is nothing other than the dream of a Drunken Toad sitting upon a moss-covered stone in a place known to no one.

As long as the Toad sleeps, the world exists. Should the Toad awaken — the world will vanish. When the Toad falls asleep again — a new world, a new universe will arise. Does anyone know of this? What follows from it? The Drunken Toad cares not, for it cares about nothing at all.

Return to your own land, traveler, for your journey is complete — to the place where your body lies and your soul grows, where your mind is still and your heart wanders. Accept them, trust them. They alone will lead you forward.

The Catechism of the Drunken Toad

What is this story about the Drunken Toad?
It’s very simple. This world — people, mountains, birds, the universe, the Great Pyramids and the Eiffel Tower — exists solely within the dream of the Drunken Toad.

So this world isn’t material?
It’s quite material. Hit your finger with a stone and see for yourself. Materiality is merely one aspect of the Toad’s dream — its coloring, if you will.

Is this some special kind of Toad?
No. The Toad is utterly ordinary, indistinguishable from millions of others. It sits upon a stone, eyes half-closed, and sleeps.

How can a vast universe of matter and energy exist inside the head of a single Toad?
Quite simply — the Toad dreams it. A gigantic structure a hundred billion light-years across; perhaps larger, perhaps infinite — as boundless as the Toad’s imagination itself.

Is the Toad immortal?
Since it is an ordinary creature, it isn’t immortal. Yet because it exists within its own dream, its age depends not on biological decay but on the age of the universe — about fourteen billion years so far.

Why does the Toad sleep?
Because sleep is the most energy-efficient state of a living organism. Here the Toad breathes in harmony with the laws of biology and physics.

Why is the Toad drunk?
Because imagining this world as it truly is is hard — if not impossible — to do with a sober mind.

Can the Toad be awakened?
Alas, yes. No natural force would dare do it — except humankind. If the Toad awakens, the world will vanish. So, should the end of the world ever come, it will not be through conspiracy or cataclysm, but through one very foolish human.

Can the Toad be found?
Theoretically, yes. Only a few people have ever managed it. Such encounters are described in The Apocrypha of the Drunken Toad, still awaiting publication.

What happens if someone finds the Toad?
Nothing. The Toad continues to sleep, and the person simply goes their way. Sometimes the Toad burps, croaks, or releases a gust of wind — hearing these sounds is considered great luck, though entirely useless.

Are there other Toads like this one?
According to Mr. Ye, during his seven hundred thousand years of observation he has never met another. So, the probability exists — but it’s vanishingly small.

Does the Toad possess any supernatural powers?
No. It’s the most ordinary Toad imaginable. All it can do is sleep and dream the universe within its mind.

Isn’t this story just a “rebranding” of ancient myths about the world’s illusion?
No. The story of the Toad is far simpler: the Toad sleeps and dreams this world — therefore it exists. That’s all. No myths, no legends, no pantheons, no rituals.

Is the Toad a sacred being?
No. It’s just a perfectly ordinary Toad.

If the Toad cares about nothing and interferes in nothing, is there any practical use in knowing about it?
No direct use, yet many people who learned of the Toad and its dream experienced the following:

• a sense of immense joy and relief;
• acceptance of the world as it is;
• freedom from idle pursuits;
• a desire to do something genuine;
• acceptance of responsibility for one’s actions;
• generosity and patience toward others;
• greater self-discipline;
• and other positive changes.

Can one communicate with the Toad?
Unfortunately, no. The Toad sleeps, and waking it, as you now understand, is not advisable.

Does the Toad make any sounds?
Yes. The Toad produces several typical sounds:
“Gvark!” — the Toad is intrigued;
“Umss!” — the Toad is puzzled;
“Oui-oui!” — the Toad is laughing;
“Prr-zzuh-hh!” — the Toad releases wind.
All of these, of course, occur in its sleep.

Can one win the Toad’s favor, offer praise or gifts?
You can, but it’s utterly pointless. You might as well pay tribute to your refrigerator. As Mr. Ye himself says:

“If you wish to glorify the Toad — call an old friend.
If you wish to appease it — embrace someone you love.”

What should a person do after learning about the Toad’s existence?
Take a deep breath, rejoice — and live.

(As new questions and answers arise, the “Catechism” may be continued.)